Funny Things Kids Say

Here are a record of funny conversations I have had with children over my years working with children in the field:

December 12, 2013

Two girls, ages 2.5 (girl 1) and 5 (girl 2), are watching a tv show, and see a character running.
Girl 1: I’m fast because I cough a lot.
Girl 2 looks at me and says: I don’t get that. I am fast because I wear fast shoes, and fast socks.

December 9, 2013

child: Are you Adam?
me: no, that’s my brother.
child: is he older?
me: no, I am the older one.
child: yeah, your beard is bigger.

October 1, 2013

This past Sunday, I was teaching a group of 3 and 4-year-olds, and i told them that people are special because they are made in God’s image. Then, I started naming children in the class and said, is __________ special?” and the children said “yes.” After we picked a few children, I said “is mister Chris special?” One girl says “NO!” I said, “but all people are special, and I am a person.” She looked at me and replied “Your not a person, your a teacher.”

February 24, 2013

It was my last day at placement.
5-year-old boy: “Christopher, your fired.”
Me: “What do you mean? Am I fired from school?”
boy: “Yes. I talked to your teacher from your other school (my college). She said ‘you’re fired’!”
Me: “Oh man. What am I supposed to do now that I am fired from school?”
boy: “now that you’re fired, you don’t have to leave us.” 😦

February 9, 2013

While eating lunch, two boys are trying to figure out why we didn’t get any cheese.
Boy 1: “maybe there’s no more. we should make some. How do you make cheese?”
Me: “We would need a goat or a cow.”
Boy 1: “let’s ask our teacher. She’s a country girl” (she’s from Orangeville)
Teacher: “I don’t have any cows”
Boy 2: “I know. We can ask a farmer to borrow a cow. Then we can bring it to school, but we can’t let any teachers see because cows are not allowed in school.
Me: “well how can we get the cow in without anyone seeing?”
Boy 2: “We can close the doors to our classroom. Then no-one will see.”
Me: “But how will we get it into the classroom without anyone seeing?”
Boy 2: “We can put a sweater on it. Then people will think it’s a human!”

February 2, 2013

A few kids are sitting around me and one little girl says “Why do you have a beard?”
Me: “When some people grow up, they grow beards.”
Little girl: “I’m gonna grow a pink one!”

January 18, 2013

Little girl – “Christopher, that girls breath smells like squirrels.”
Me – “How do you know what a squirrel smells like?”
Little girl – “Because she had Nutella for breakfast.”

January 12, 2013

little girl holding black car: “this is batman. Do you know what batman’s last name is?”
me thinking: (obviously Batman is Bruce Wayne, but Batman doesn’t have a last name)
me talking: “No. What’s his last name.”
little girl: “His last name is Christopher” as she looks up at me with a big smile.
me: “I didn’t know that.” Heart melts.

Also, I had a couple 5 year – old girls ask if the could do my hair, and after combing, brushing, and afro-picking my hair, they decide to comb my beard. After that, they comb my eye brows. Then one girl says, “oh, I found eggs, you have lice.” I say to her “oh man, can I rid of the eggs?” She says “no, you can’t get rid of them, they are really strong.” Then a little boy who built a fort with me comes over and says from underneath his hardhat, “I’ll break them. I am really strong” and flexes his guns. Next thing I know that same girl gives me a Timmies cup filled with multicoloured pompoms and says that she made me rainbow coffee. And that was just the first 10 minutes of “work”. Looks like I have one awesome placement ahead of me.

October 11, 2012

We are playing a game with the kids where we show them a word, and they have to guess what word it is. The word is “King.” The teacher says, “It’s what Chris wishes he is.” One little boy starts jumping up and down with his hand in the air because he’s figured it out. We ask him what it is, and he says “A leprechaun.”

April 27, 2012

Child A and I are playing at the sand table, and are filling a bucket. Child A says we are making ice cream.
Child A: “The ice cream is done. Do you want some Chris?”
Me: “Sure what kind is it?”
Child A: “… hotdogs and cheerios”
Me: “Bahahahahahaha, that sounds AWESOME!”

April 19, 2012

Today, the teacher was reading a book about a small duck who was bullied by the other, bigger ducks. At one point, the small duck says something about being useless. All of a sudden, this little 6 year old in my class yells out in a rage “NO ONE IS USELESS! No one.” 🙂

April 18, 2012

Me: so, boys and girls, frogs sleep all winter. They really like to sleep.
Little 4 year old girl: My grandma loves to sleep. She sleeps all day.

March 29, 2012

Child G: I could eat the whole school in one day.
Me: oh, really?
Child G: yup. That’s the awesomest thing I ever said!

also

Child 1: You wanna know what I’m gonna be when I grow up? A mermaid!
Child 2: You said you were gonna be a singer!?!?!
Child 1: uhh….. I can be both!
Child 2: I’m gonna be a mermaid and a drum!

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